You know those mornings when it's so hard to find something to wear. You try things on, you touch, you put back, and the hangers pile up on the bed: nothing works, nothing resonates. But you don't really know why.
I'm here to tell you it may not simply be that you have nothing to wear.
It's something else. Something deeper.
Getting dressed becomes difficult when something changes, inside or out. A life taking a new direction. A job you leave, a city you discover, a story that ends, a body that changes. Or simply time passing.
And sometimes there isn't even a specific event, just that strange, almost imperceptible feeling of having become someone else.
Someone you were, and no longer are.
Clothes, clothes, you are witnesses
I like to say to the people around me
We think we're choosing an outfit. In reality, we're choosing who we'll be that day
That's why a wardrobe can suddenly feel like a stranger's. The pieces in it were bought for a version of you that no longer really exists, or that you no longer want to be. The dress from the old job, the jumper given by someone you now want to leave in the past, the jeans from a body you used to have… They all tell a story.
Perhaps that's what is fascinating about clothes: they remember.
They don't lie. They go on reflecting who you were, while you are already somewhere else, becoming someone else.
And that is exactly where the discomfort comes from. In that gap. The gap between the person the clothes were chosen for and the one standing in front of the wardrobe today. Lost.
It isn't that you have nothing left to wear. It's that you no longer recognise yourself in what you have. And your clothes, too, no longer quite know who you are.
The mirror is trying to talk to you
We humans tend to always look for someone to blame.
In those moments, in front of the wardrobe, we punish ourselves. We tell ourselves we've “let ourselves go”, that we've bought yet more clothes that don't work, that we should “make an effort”, and we end up borrowing a gaze from outside. Turned outwards.
We follow it, we conform. We end up looking like everyone else.
And one morning, we find ourselves lost in front of our own wardrobe. The mirror facing us.
What if that unease were, in fact, an invitation to look inwards?
A garment that no longer fits is precious information. It tells you that you've moved. That you haven't stayed where you were. Perhaps without even realising it. And there's something deeply alive about no longer fitting into your old skin.
Yet we were taught the opposite. We were taught to find our style, then stick to it. As if changing style were a betrayal. Of whom?
Dressing for who you're becoming
So what can you do on a morning like that?
Stop forcing it. You don't fight a mirror. You let it say what it has to say, and you listen. Often, what you need isn't a new outfit, it's a new question. From “how am I going to fit into this?” to “what do I need to feel like myself, today, as I am?”. It takes more thought, but it's worth it.
That question moves the garment towards awareness. You no longer dress to prove or to correct. You dress to find and recognise yourself. To look at yourself and say: that's me.
Your mother may be surprised. Your children may wonder what's happening to you.
Some people may not understand the change.
But you know. And you won't necessarily need to explain it.
So, on a morning like that, take the time to look at yourself in an outfit and ask: what don't I like? Is it the garment? Its length? Too tight, too loose, too dark? Does this piece give me the presence I need for my meeting? Observe, and name what bothers you.
One answer after another, clarity settles in. Change follows. And with time, alignment too.
Leaving yourself room
Standing lost in front of the wardrobe should lead you to learn to trust yourself again. Your taste, your body, your desires, your moods, what you feel. And the garment, when you choose it with a little attention, becomes your companion along the way. Not a judge. A friend, a copain, a copine.
So if you're having one of those mornings, a little lost, a little sad perhaps, here is what we'd like to tell you: you've changed, that's OK, and getting dressed doesn't have to feel easy again straight away. You just need, gently, to make room for the person you're becoming, and your clothes will come with you, one outfit at a time.
Speak soon,
Copain.e